Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
