im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
