Ambien. No doubt about it.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Randomize
