Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Randomize
