You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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