Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
