I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
