Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
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