Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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