It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize