apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
