i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
