You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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