Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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