I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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