I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Randomize
