I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
