all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I didn't notice because vodka
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
