I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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