I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
