If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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