She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
