Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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