I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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