I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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