My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
