I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
