Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
