You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
