So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
