that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
