okay pat passed out under dana's car
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
