we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
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