I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
What drink are we having for lunch?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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