Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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