He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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