I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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