fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize