dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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