how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
