Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
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