she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
there is puke in my bra ... again
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