I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
