I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize