mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
