in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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