we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
