i think my tv is drunk
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
