THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize