I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Randomize
