last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
