How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
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