Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
