he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
