Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
