No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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