I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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