It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
