I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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