we have officially mastered the walk of shame
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
