god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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