ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
