You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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