Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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