i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
