At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
