Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
