Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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