God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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