apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
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