Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize