every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
