the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Randomize
