What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Randomize
